A and the a’s

(2019)

Front stage of this text:

“Incapable of non-identification, [A] is very weak.” [1]

The yes

“The [A], then, as performed character, is not an organic thing that has a specific location, whose fundamental fate is to be born, to mature and to die; it is a dramatic effect arising diffusely from a scene that is presented, and the characteristic issue, the crucial concern, is whether it will be credited or discredited.” [2]

The no

A seats down with the a’s that come to the talk, and asks why, why, why, do you fight each other so much. Why can’t you leave A alone. a number 1 says the A cannot be a unity, just accept it. A replies that if the a’s don’t fit each other, A will not be able to perform. a number 2 says that A is the one trying to differentiate them in the first place. a number 3 says it does not matter, and overall it functions. a number 4 says it all does not matter, go open a flower shop.

At this point the a’s present in the room have a little glimpse of α, who spends a lot of time playing hide and seek, and the a’s have a glimpse of its presence every now and then. Sometimes α tries to involve the a’s in the play, and the α is very impulsive and convincing. But whenever the a’s get close to it, puff. Air. Referring to the flower shop, the α says yes!, what a brilliant idea, crossing eyes with a number 4. The glimpse of identification gives birth to a new baby a – very energetic – and A is quite satisfied, but puff, and the α is gone, leaving the room quite empty, and the new baby a cries.

a number 2 asks A why is it always so impressed by the α, and A at this moment bursts out of the room, feeling it has to chase the α so that they could finally get to an agreement. a number 1 gets back to work, there is still so much to read. a number 2 goes off to get a beer, feeling the energy turn into frustration. a number 3 works on the costume, and sings. But a number 2 asks why on earth are you making that, and that noise. a number 4 joins the discussion and says it is going to make dinner.

Number 1 and 2 have a love-hate relationship. When they cooperate, the group strives. 3 lends its patience and material practice, and 4 makes sure there’s enough energy. But when 1 and 2 are busy with their own businesses, they can make each other’s lives quite hard, because they are both quite big, and always on each other’s ways. 1 is quite delicate, impressionable, and absolutely needs the silence to think. 2 is all over the place, sexual, and urgent. When 1 and 2 are on a fight, 3 cannot find space to work, so it just sits there, and 4 leaves through the back door.

“[A‘s] could be compared to a collection of jigsaw puzzles where the pieces may be slotted together in a variety of ways, persistently suggesting that they constitute parts of a coherent whole, but from which, regardless of [A’s] conscientious attempts and the pleasure that [A’s] derive from them, no completed product emerges and apparently superfluous pieces remain on the table. At some moment [A’s] could begin to doubt whether or not these pieces ever constituted a coherent picture, and, disappointed in [their] desire for continuity and coherence, [A’s] could abandon [their] endeavour and seek another game that could provide more satisfaction.

Equally, however, [A’s] could, during the exertions of seeking coherence in the puzzle, arrive at the insight that it is precisely the open character of the exercise that constitutes the pleasure of puzzling. The sense of [A’s] unquenchable desire for encompassing meaning resides not in the completion of a task but rather in the processes of achieving understanding.” [3]

And

A is walking, distracted, when a hand pushes A to the floor, A gets up and keeps walking, hand pushes it again, A - confused A - takes more time to get up, but A does and it is a bit more conscious of its walk, the hand comes again and A tries to deviate quite a lot but trapped on its own movement falls back to the ground, and stays there for a while, and A has to learn how to walk again so slowly it crawls, and it gets up and it starts to find its own way of walking and the hand comes again and takes A by surprise and A falls, but A really wants to be up so A is very stubborn now, and it gets up again and it continues doing what it was doing, and more, and more, and when the hand appears now A stops to look at it for the first time, and A watches the hand pushing A down and A is very tired but manages to be up again and continues doing what it was doing, because now it knows how to do it, and a sequence is made, and this sequence is followed, and the sequence is perfected so when the hand comes again this time A can escape it by doing what it is doing because now A knows the hand and it knows its movements, and the hand gives up and A keeps going, it is very comfortable, it is very safe, but a bit too comfortable, and a bit too safe so A tries new movements but they end up on the old sequence and slowly A stops, and A is quiet and it stays there and it starts looking around, looking for the hand, and it goes after the Hand and grabs the Hand and it pushes the Hand slowly towards itself until they are both on the floor, and a uses its own hands to mimic the Hand and they move with one another and lay down, and a sleeps, and they both sleep, and when A wakes up the Hand is gone, so A slowly gets up, and slowly walks once more

Incapable of non-identification, the a’s are very strong. They are Seven in Bed
and forty-nine
and many more

Backstage of this text:

1- Louise Bourgeois, year, diary entry. Posthumously published on: Bourgeois, L. (2012). Louise Bourgeois: The Return of the Repressed: Psychoanalytic Writings. (P. Larratt-Smith, Ed.) (Box ed., Vol. 2). London, England: Violette Editions. [Modified].

2- Goffman, E. (1978). The presentation of self in everyday life (p. 127). London: Harmondsworth. [Modified].

3- De Mul, J. (1999). Romantic desire in (post) modern art and philosophy (p. 2). SUNY Press. [Modified].